Abuse Between the Young and Famous

The presence of celebrity culture is certainly overwhelming as this entry relies mainly on headlines I have come across at news stands and talk from coworkers and friends. I haven't actually read or watched a whole lot on hip-hop and R&B singer Rihanna's alleged ordeal of battery from boyfriend and fellow singer Chris Brown. So my perspective could be misinformed. But if it isn't, then what is proven is that modern society has few, if any, individuals who are capable of remaining ignorant of entertainment news (as I certainly have tried my best at that). And while such mass media is so powerful and far-reaching, its lack of contribution to the quality of life of both its story subjects and consumers mostly goes unquestioned.

Rihanna allegedly sustained beatings from Brown while the couple sat in a parked car less than a day before the 2009 Grammy Awards. As a result, they both cancelled their scheduled performances at the event.

Let's begin by exploring three classic characteristics of partnership dysfunction that have been identified or alleged in Rihanna and Chris Brown's case:

1. Blaming the Victim
   
   A few days after the Grammy Awards, a friend told me that Brown had initiated rumors on the internet that he contracted an STD from Rihanna. In addition, the question of infidelity on her part circulated across magazine articles. If these accusations did indeed originate from Brown's efforts, then he has been playing a game of manipulation that partners employ to minimize responsibility and guilt for the abuse they know they're going to inflict in the near future. The misuse of police and court mandates is one such tactic in which the perpetrator attempts in advance to obtain a restraining order on the victim so that their roles eventually appear to be reversed in the eyes of authorities, neighbors, and others. And in the proportionately small percentage of female-on-male violence, a typical outcome is that in the process of defending himself, the man leaves the woman with scratches and bruises which the woman uses as evidence that he was the one committing the assault.


2. Jekyl and Hyde
   
   If protecting oneself before carrying out an act of abuse isn't enough, then the process must continue afterward as well. Brown's post-assault strategy at gathering pity towards himself might have been his statements relating his own violent tendencies to what he repeatedly witnessed as a boy: the battery of his mother by a man whom he identified as not being his biological father. In order for such a claim to be worthy of any respect and compassion, it must be followed by a commitment to resolve the trauma towards the goal of preventing more violent tendencies in the future.

   
   
   In addition to being charged on two felony counts, Chris Brown received physical threats from fellow celebrities who were more than eager to seek vengeance for Rihanna.

   
   The unfortunate reality is that in a setting of exposed guilt and indictment, most abusers will exhibit and verbalize whatever qualities of innocence and sympathy they can to escape responsibility for their actions, which would be fine if these qualities - no matter how false - also functioned as a stepping stone towards genuinely trying to reduce their own anger and mistreatment of others. The latter, however, often fizzles away once the smoke has cleared and the pressure has eased off and they have an opportunity to return to their harmful patterns without punitive consequences.



3. Defending Your Abuser
   
   The lack of consequences is rooted in what appears to be the most illogical form of dysfunction, mostly because it relies on a choice made by the victim of the violence. It is a horrifyingly tragic and separate matter to be trapped in a relationship and home in which your partner has threatened to wage greater pain on you and your children upon any attempts on your part to break up. Rihanna, so far as anyone knows, is not confined under such fears. She seems to have every opportunity to safely leave Chris Brown, so is she insane to not do so?
   

   
   
   

   
   If insanity sounds a bit harsh, then let's raise a comparison to substance addiction, as severe co-dependency is more or less a form of addiction to another human being. And to quote a phrase from the drug recovery community, insanity is "repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results." I am not suggesting, however, that Rihanna necessarily possesses naive hopes that Brown has been or will be reformed so easily. It is just as likely that she actually has no hopes of him changing, and has fully accepted an abusive future with him, in which case she shares the pessimism of men and women around the world who dismiss violence as a normal trait of intimacy and family dynamics.

Furthermore, acceptance of abuse doesn't merely exist at the individual level. This belief system is sometimes adopted and practiced by entire communities attempting to preserve cultural standards as well as its own positive image. As I've learned from experience, Chinese families have a strong tradition of saving face by any means necessary and thus are not immune to this destructive self-defense mechanism. However, this pattern is also strong among African-Americans as black men already suffer the stereotype of being criminally violent, and the tragic outcome is that the community's efforts to prevent the spread of this stereotype includes rationalization and justification by battered women remaining silent and tolerant even in the face of assault by their male counterparts.

With respect to Rihanna and Chris Brown, age is an even more crucial characteristic of theirs to address than race. In fact, Brown is barely a legal adult. Their relative youth strikes me not because I find it hard to believe that young couples would be engaged in co-dependency and violence, but rather because the individuals I am accustomed to seeing opening up and responding to their traumatic relationship experiences are much older. So sadly, what this means - at least from my perspective - is that perpetrators and victims of domestic abuse rarely seek help until years (sometimes decades) into their adult lives.

Whether Rihanna and Brown are pursuing any sort of counseling or treatment - individually or together - is beyond me. Regardless, key factors of success and stardom only complicate whatever decisions they attempt to make. Here are two such factors that come to my mind:

1. Lack of Privacy
   
   Needless to say, someone who recently experienced an act of physical abuse with a partner is not likely to be excited about having the unfortunate incident announced to the whole world. By nature of being famous, however, our R&B couple didn't have a choice in this matter. One can reasonably argue that the spotlight provides a source of discipline to the individual who could otherwise act immorally and harmfully without having to answer to anyone for his or her own actions. In other words, when A-list artists screw up, they might face criticism not only from friends and family but also from the media and millions of fans. Such consequences could be effective in setting oneself straight.
   

   
   
   

   
   On the other hand, the value of confidentiality cannot be dismissed in the field of violence prevention and crisis intervention. Issues such as relationship abuse and substance addiction are supposed to be personal matters handled at a personal level between the parties involved. So when these matters are exposed in the tabloids, their subjects (particularly the ones who have been famous since youth) won't know or have access to the privacy often required for a safe outreach and treatment process.
   



2. Mo' Money, Mo' Problems
   
   Domestic violence and child abuse are attributed by some social scholars to standards of culture and class. I won't argue with this observation. As a Chinese immigrant, I witnessed firsthand such a relationship both in my immediate family and the larger village community I was born in. Beyond my childhood though, I learned that these issues were neither unique to my family nor low-income households in general, and that money appears to play a very interesting role in the contribution of problems such as child neglect and substance abuse in many upper middle-class families. Perhaps the emphasis on poverty prevention as a means of enabling competent parenting has been misinterpreted by some high-income mothers and fathers who think quality can be measured primarily by quantity (quantity in monetary terms, that is).
   

   

   
   And if Rihanna and Brown lived through any poverty in the past, they certainly aren't doing so now, nor have they for at least the past few years. Their present life should be perfect if we use celebrity news as a criteria. After all, the sentiment is that money equals happiness, and if happiness is synonymous with confidence and fearlessness, then what headlines and magazine covers fail to ask is: can one be too confident and fearless to the point of self-destruction? The rock superstars and high-profile comedians who suffered fatal heroin and cocaine overdoses can certainly be a testament to this point. Theoretically, someone with unlimited funds and resources should have the means to maintain a healthy and safe lifestyle. Realistically, a scenario so rich might also produce a belief of personal invincibility and the inclination to absolve oneself of any control.
   

For many decades, the American public has been sold on this idea of boundless highs and lows as an attractive lifestyle, and the salesman has been a Hollywood which exaggerates both the positive and negative characteristics of its members. Wealth and beauty are presented with a sense of romance and magic. Success seems to come instantly, and lasts forever. On the other hand, flaws - ranging from trouble with the police to sporting tacky attire on the red carpet - are also deeply publicized, and whether the publicity acts as scrutiny or promotion is debatable. Either way, the role of stardom is forced outside of human terms. Thus, celebrities only exist as superhuman or subhuman, and everything in between is disregarded.

After all, if most of what has been reported on Rihanna's conflict with Brown has been true, then their relationship - for better or for worse - is hardly any different than the majority of abusive relationships in the general population. Young battered women could be served well with stories connecting them to Rihanna's experience. Instead, this experience has been largely reduced to soap opera gossip, leaving nothing of value to the thousands of victims who have suffered a similar trauma.

With all of this said thus far, my observations on this couple could be outrageously inaccurate since my sources include nothing more than magazine covers, one or two online articles, and peer gossip. But if that turns out to be true, then ironically, my assertion not to trust our all-powerful media for reliable information will merely be strengthened. To the credit of the celebrity news business, it is indeed just a business that exists for no other reason than the fact that an audience continues to pay for its products, so the responsibility ultimately falls back on us - the population of private citizens, what we choose to consume, and how we allow our consumption to influence the way we think and live.